NOTE: This report is a sidebar to UMNS story #300. A photograph is available.
A UMNS Feature By Kathy L. Gilbert*
By Kathy Gilbert*
Betty
and Charles Hurlock have been happily married since Aug. 20, 1946. “I
think a major part of the success of our marriage is we are both
committed Christians, active in our churches,” she says. “We had a lot
of the same values, life values, same goals, and our parents were very
committed Christians.” A UMNS photo by Annette Bender, The Call. Photo
number 03-197, Accompanies UMNS #302, 5/28/03
No Long Caption Available for this Story
Betty and Charles Hurlock have been happily married since Aug. 20, 1946.
"I
went to Atlanta to get an education at Emory University," Charles says.
"Then I met this girl. One thing led to another, and boy did I get
educated!"
You don't have to talk to Betty and Charles for long
before you realize one secret to their long marriage: a good sense of
humor.
"I can't imagine making it through life or a marriage
without a good sense of humor," Betty says, laughing. "We have had a
good time."
"I think a major part of the success of our marriage
is we are both committed Christians, active in our churches," she says.
"We had a lot of the same values, life values, same goals, and our
parents were very committed Christians."
They both agree marriage takes work and commitment.
"Even
at the time when we were young, a lot of people had the idea marriage
was a fairy tale," Betty says. "Get married and live happily ever after.
But that isn't the end of the story; it is just the beginning. People
say, 'Well, if it doesn't work out, we can always get a divorce.'
"That was never ever the case in the home where I was raised," Charles says.
"One
thing I say a lot, I never thought marriage was 50-50 or 70-30. I think
it is 100-100. Unless each one is totally committed to the other, it
doesn't work out," says Betty.
"I have had a very, very loving and caring husband."
"And I have got the best wife that there ever was."
"We
promised to love, honor and cherish, and I have really been cherished,"
Betty says. "What more could any wife ask then to know that her husband
cherishes her? I have been blessed by that."
"I try to tell her
every night before we go to bed and go to sleep that I love her more
than she loves me and to quit arguing with me," Charles says laughing.
"We are not Pollyannas," Betty is quick to point out. "Whatever it is, good, bad or indifferent, we are in it together."
Ministry for clergy spouses
Charles
is a retired pastor, and Betty says most of their life has been spent
in a "fishbowl." Ministers and their families must have an open-door
policy, and people are always watching them, they say.
In fact,
the stress on clergy marriages placed an extra burden on Betty's heart.
She founded Partners in Crisis ministry, a support group for divorced
clergy spouses in the Holston Annual (regional) Conference, which covers
parts of Tennessee and Virginia.
Twenty-five years ago, a young
clergy wife came to Betty in tears because she felt abandoned by the
church when she divorced her husband.
"That really started
bothering me, and I never did get it off my mind," Betty says. "I keep
hearing from others who run into the same thing, and they just sort of
disappeared from the scene. They felt other wives didn't care. I wanted
to let every minister's spouse know that if something happens, we do
care and we do want to help."
Divorcing or separating clergy
spouses can often find themselves homeless as well because many churches
provide a parsonage and furnishings for the minister.
Partners
in Crisis provides resources to clergy spouses following a marital
separation or divorce. The volunteer organization is dependent on
donations.
For more information on Partners in Crisis through Holston Conference Foundation, contact Roger Redding at (865) 690-4080. # # # *Gilbert is a news writer with United Methodist News Service.
Related Story
Korean News
