 Close Up: Churches Must Confront Web Porn Problem, Counselors Say
A United Methodist News Service and UMC.org feature. By Ray Waddle This
is the final installment of a 3-part series investigating the emergence
of online pornography and the social effects this business is having on
culture now and into the future. View the complete series feature. (UMCom) -- Counselor Roberta Beckmann has some free advice for churches: Stop ignoring the danger of Internet pornography. Preach it. Now. Start
support groups. Train people to lead them. Sponsor 12-step gatherings.
Devote a classroom to the subject. Get over the embarrassment. Addictions
inflamed by Internet porn are washing up at the church’s door.
Pornography addiction is damaging Christian marriages, young people and
pastors too. It’s hurting God’s church. “God’s
still the healer, but people first have to admit they have a problem,”
says Beckmann, director of counseling at Asbury United Methodist Church
in Wichita, Kan., and a 30-year member of the congregation. | “Churches are going to have to step up and talk about sexual sins. The Bible does. This stuff could destroy our country.” |
“Churches are going to have to step up and talk about sexual sins. The Bible does. This stuff could destroy our country.”The
Wichita church is conspicuous locally for tackling the problem of sex
addictions. In September, for the third time, the church will sponsor a
support group for men who have a destructive porn habit. Advertising the
program in local media will open the invitation citywide. Organizers
will limit the group to 10 men — in the past, about half have been
church members — and they’ll use the book Every Man’s Battle by Stephen
Arterburn, Fred Stoeker and Mike Yorkey as a guide. The
gathering is one of a dozen support groups the church sponsors each
year, generated by a church counseling ministry that staffs four
professionals and sees 900 clients annually. “The church has to be THE place to talk about it,” says the Rev. Bob Sample, associate minister at Asbury. “There
are going to be times when God calls us into these situations that have
to be addressed. It’s not easy. That’s why we need to walk by faith.
That’s why we need to give ourselves to Christ every day. Internet porn
is attacking our youth (and) our older generation too.” Asbury’s
aggressive attitude is an exception. The church is one of the few
United Methodist congregations known to be mobilizing programs and
strategies against easy-access, anonymous Internet porn. Toll on marriages, youth The
human toll of online porn appears to be spreading. More ministers are
spending time counseling broken marriages damaged by a spouse (usually
husband) who habitually and secretly watches Web site porn for sexual
gratification. The
subject of addictions (sexual and otherwise) will be addressed at the
Ninth National Gathering of United Methodist Men, meeting July 15-17,
2005, at Purdue University in West Lafayette, Ind. “It’s
not a uniquely United Methodist problem, but I don’t know that our
churches have come to grips with it as a wholesale matter on a Sunday
morning,” says the Rev. Joseph Harris, top staff executive of the
Commission on United Methodist Men, based in Nashville, Tenn. | “If we’re going to be relevant, we have to say how our faith makes a difference on such an issue.” |
“If we’re going to be relevant, we have to say how our faith makes a difference on such an issue.”Others
worry that Protestantism’s traditional reluctance to talk about sex
offers little preparation for a potential social meltdown of sexual
dysfunction, driven by the rise of Internet porn. There are now an
estimated 4 million pornographic web sites (or 12 percent of all sites),
with 372 million Web pages, according to www.internetfilterreview.com. Some
20 percent of men admit to accessing porn at work. Some 40 million U.S.
adults “regularly visit” Internet porn sites, according to
internetfilterreview.com. Further,
the average age of first Internet porn exposure is reportedly 11. The
largest consumer of online porn is the 12 to 17 age group. “We
don’t talk about what society sells the most — sex, and pretty
dysfunctional forms of it,” says the Rev. Tom Gildemeister of Christ
United Methodist Church in Franklin, Tenn. “It’s really the last taboo. It’s just not cool to be a sex addict. So we avoid it.” Help at hand Ted
Buehl, a United Methodist in suburban Cleveland, used to have a porn
problem. It ruined his first marriage, he says. But now he serves as a
mentor to those who are struggling. He’s associated with an online Bible-based program at www.settingcaptivesfree.com.
Individuals can sign up anonymously for a 60-day program and be
assigned a mentor who helps keep the person accountable through e-mail
correspondence.
The free program focuses on the study of
biblical principles and the confession of sin to the people affected. It
also encourages face-to-face accountability partners with a pastor or
other trusted local mentor in one’s life. Buehl says he knows of few local church programs that deal with the subject of Internet porn addiction. | “A
lot of ministers are reluctant to address this problem in the pulpit
because they fear they’ll get in trouble for doing X-rated material.” |
“So what I try to do with every pastor I meet is tell them about settingcaptivesfree.com,” he says.“I
could talk all day about grace. What saved me was the resurrection of
Christ, the power of God, to change my life. It’s about joy,
faithfulness, self-control.” All
addictions are driven by shame and self-hatred, one observer says. A
church should be a place that invites a person to feel hope and renewal,
not shame. “A
lot of ministers are reluctant to address this problem in the pulpit
because they fear they’ll get in trouble for doing X-rated material,”
says Donald Joy, retired professor at Asbury Theological Seminary in
Wilmore, Ky. Joy says the church does its best evangelism when it faces human problems with emotional honesty. “Let people know there is a place to unload all that and get help — right here, the church.” Waddle, former religion editor of The Tennessean in Nashville, is author of A Turbulent Peace: The Psalms for Our Time, published by Upper Room Books.
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