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The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote: Stink, Stank, Stunk.
— “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch,” lyrics by Theodor “Dr. Seuss” Geisel
UPDATE: Chilcutt United Methodist Church in rural east
Tennessee has won its war with the skunk or skunks that tunneled under
the 157-year-old church building. The Rev. Erbin Baumgardner says, " We
finally got rid of all the skunks, the church smells much better and we
had our Christmas program on Sunday night." Baumgardner sent a special
thanks to Annette Spence, editor of The Call in the Holston Annual
(regional) Conference for "an excellent job in taking a 'stinky' problem
and turning it into a 'sweet smelling story.' "
A UMNS Feature
By Annette Spence*
3:00 P.M. ET Dec. 16, 2011
| CLEVELAND, Tenn. (UMNS)
The Rev. Erbin Baumgardner (left) and H.L. Lowe (right) stand by the
sign proclaiming “Skunk Stole Our Christmas” in front of Chilcutt United
Methodist Church in Cleveland, Tenn. UMNS photos by Annette Spence.
View in Photo Gallery
For almost two weeks, members at Chilcutt United Methodist Church in
rural east Tennessee have fought the most odiferous fight.
It all started on Dec. 3, when member H.L. Lowe opened up the church
doors to find incense so intense, “it looked like London fog in here.”
Lowe, 60, and his pastor, the Rev. Erbin Baumgardner, 69, deduced
that a skunk (or skunks) had tunneled below the church. “I’m afraid he
became irritated somehow and sprayed the building,” the pastor said.
The doors of the 157-year-old church were left open all day to air
out the building. The next morning, the odor was still so strong that
Sunday school and worship had to be cancelled.
“This is a country church, and skunks live in the country,”
Baumgardner said of the church on Chilcutt Road, bordered with cow
pastures. “Sometimes, you’ve got to sit back and laugh at the
situation, but we still weren’t going to let a skunk take away our
Christmas.”
The battle begins
On Monday morning, the “war of the noses” began. Lowe and fellow
church member Ted Vore poured concrete into the holes where the pesky
visitor had dug under the building. They bought five gallons of
industrial-strength air freshener (lilac scented) and pumped it through
the building’s vents.
It didn’t work.
So on Tuesday, they hired an exterminator to spray a super
deodorizer that smelled like fabric softener throughout the building.
Lowe and Vore followed that up with five gallons of vinegar and five
gallons of ammonia, which they pumped through the vents.
On Wednesday night, church members returned to the building for Bible study. The odor was still there, awaiting their arrival.
“Those who attended had to wash their clothes to get the smell out,” Baumgardner said.
“My hands smelled like skunk. My hair smelled like skunk,” Lowe said. “Even the rubber on my cell phone smelled like skunk.”
Lowe and Vore tried pumping peppermint extract through the vents,
“so then it smelled like skunk and peppermint in the church,” Lowe
said. When newly dug holes appeared around the church, the men set
traps to try to eliminate the source of the smell. They used peanut
butter, honey buns and sardines as bait.
Sunday, Dec. 11, arrived. Several worshippers arrived, only to take a
whiff and get back in their cars. A few “brave souls” stayed,
Baumgardner said, but worship attendance was “way down” from the usual
60.
Desperate, the church leaders called Wildlife Technicians on the
morning of Dec. 12 and promptly learned that sardines and peanut butter
aren’t proper skunk bait.
Cereal and fireworks
“Froot Loops?” Lowe asked incredulously, when the “wildlife removal
specialists” began to set up traps around the picturesque church lot.
A day later, church member and neighbor Jackie Evans spotted three
skunks on the premises. Two perpetrators were later caught; at least
one remains at large. Lowe has since hit upon trying sulfur bombs from
the fireworks store to help kill the odor — and it seems to have
worked. “Can you smell any skunk?” he asks a visitor.
So far, Lowe says, the church has spent about $400 on skunk-fighting
supplies and services, and the carpet and pew cushions still have to
be cleaned. All this in a year when the church had to spend $22,000 in
building repairs from the April tornadoes.
With just one week to go before Christmas, Dec. 18 is a big day. In
addition to regular worship and Sunday school, the children’s Christmas
program — postponed since last week — is on the agenda.
Lowe has 12 more sulfur bombs to set off, and the Froot Loops are
carefully and tantalizingly displayed. He’s also thinking about pumping
a combination of cinnamon and peppermint extract through the vents.
“Or how about pine? Or cedar?” asks Baumgardner.
Standing in the sanctuary with the sun streaming through the windows
and the smell of fireworks in the air, the two men seem deep in
thought.
*Spence is the editor of The Call at the Holston Annual (regional) Conference.
News media contact: Maggie Hillery, Nashville, Tenn., (615) 742-5470 or newsdesk@umcom.org.
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