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How the skunk stole Christmas

 
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The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote: Stink, Stank, Stunk.
“You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch,” lyrics by Theodor “Dr. Seuss” Geisel

UPDATE: Chilcutt United Methodist Church in rural east Tennessee has won its war with the skunk or skunks that tunneled under the 157-year-old church building. The Rev. Erbin Baumgardner says, " We finally got rid of all the skunks, the church smells much better and we had our Christmas program on Sunday night." Baumgardner sent a special thanks to Annette Spence, editor of The Call in the Holston Annual (regional) Conference for "an excellent job in taking a 'stinky' problem and turning it into a 'sweet smelling story.' "

3:00 P.M. ET Dec. 16, 2011 | CLEVELAND, Tenn. (UMNS)


The Rev. Erbin Baumgardner (left) and H.L. Lowe (right) stand by the sign proclaiming “Skunk Stole Our Christmas” in front of Chilcutt United Methodist Church in Cleveland, Tenn. UMNS photos by Annette Spence.
The Rev. Erbin Baumgardner (left) and H.L. Lowe (right) stand by the sign proclaiming “Skunk Stole Our Christmas” in front of Chilcutt United Methodist Church in Cleveland, Tenn. UMNS photos by Annette Spence.
View in Photo Gallery

For almost two weeks, members at Chilcutt United Methodist Church in rural east Tennessee have fought the most odiferous fight.

It all started on Dec. 3, when member H.L. Lowe opened up the church doors to find incense so intense, “it looked like London fog in here.”

Lowe, 60, and his pastor, the Rev. Erbin Baumgardner, 69, deduced that a skunk (or skunks) had tunneled below the church. “I’m afraid he became irritated somehow and sprayed the building,” the pastor said.

The doors of the 157-year-old church were left open all day to air out the building. The next morning, the odor was still so strong that Sunday school and worship had to be cancelled.

“This is a country church, and skunks live in the country,” Baumgardner said of the church on Chilcutt Road, bordered with cow pastures. “Sometimes, you’ve got to sit back and laugh at the situation, but we still weren’t going to let a skunk take away our Christmas.”

The battle begins

On Monday morning, the “war of the noses” began. Lowe and fellow church member Ted Vore poured concrete into the holes where the pesky visitor had dug under the building. They bought five gallons of industrial-strength air freshener (lilac scented) and pumped it through the building’s vents.

It didn’t work.

So on Tuesday, they hired an exterminator to spray a super deodorizer that smelled like fabric softener throughout the building. Lowe and Vore followed that up with five gallons of vinegar and five gallons of ammonia, which they pumped through the vents.


Lowe points out a newly dug skunk hole next to the church.
Lowe points out a newly dug skunk hole next to the church. View in Photo Gallery

On Wednesday night, church members returned to the building for Bible study. The odor was still there, awaiting their arrival.

“Those who attended had to wash their clothes to get the smell out,” Baumgardner said.

“My hands smelled like skunk. My hair smelled like skunk,” Lowe said. “Even the rubber on my cell phone smelled like skunk.”

Lowe and Vore tried pumping peppermint extract through the vents, “so then it smelled like skunk and peppermint in the church,” Lowe said. When newly dug holes appeared around the church, the men set traps to try to eliminate the source of the smell. They used peanut butter, honey buns and sardines as bait.

Sunday, Dec. 11, arrived. Several worshippers arrived, only to take a whiff and get back in their cars. A few “brave souls” stayed, Baumgardner said, but worship attendance was “way down” from the usual 60.

Desperate, the church leaders called Wildlife Technicians on the morning of Dec. 12 and promptly learned that sardines and peanut butter aren’t proper skunk bait.

Cereal and fireworks

“Froot Loops?” Lowe asked incredulously, when the “wildlife removal specialists” began to set up traps around the picturesque church lot.

A day later, church member and neighbor Jackie Evans spotted three skunks on the premises. Two perpetrators were later caught; at least one remains at large. Lowe has since hit upon trying sulfur bombs from the fireworks store to help kill the odor — and it seems to have worked. “Can you smell any skunk?” he asks a visitor.

So far, Lowe says, the church has spent about $400 on skunk-fighting supplies and services, and the carpet and pew cushions still have to be cleaned. All this in a year when the church had to spend $22,000 in building repairs from the April tornadoes.

With just one week to go before Christmas, Dec. 18 is a big day. In addition to regular worship and Sunday school, the children’s Christmas program — postponed since last week — is on the agenda.

Lowe has 12 more sulfur bombs to set off, and the Froot Loops are carefully and tantalizingly displayed. He’s also thinking about pumping a combination of cinnamon and peppermint extract through the vents.

“Or how about pine? Or cedar?” asks Baumgardner.

Standing in the sanctuary with the sun streaming through the windows and the smell of fireworks in the air, the two men seem deep in thought.

*Spence is the editor of The Call at the Holston Annual (regional) Conference.

News media contact: Maggie Hillery, Nashville, Tenn., (615) 742-5470 or newsdesk@umcom.org.

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Showing 2 comments

  • cpkreamer 1 comment collapsed Collapse Expand

    Skunk spray is an oil (speaking from experience) and our pet cocker has been skunked 3 times in the past two years (seems like they are more prolific in recent years - at least in Missouri). Made the mistake of washing clothing, blankets, etc in regular laundry detergent before Googling "Skunk Odor". The skunk oil just got in the washing machine and dryer and spread to other things.  Tried Google suggestion - mixture of peroxide, baking soda and dish washing detergent  - does the trick... let it set in for 10 minutes (like ON the dog ...or clothing...or linens...or pew cushions if you don't mind them a bit lighter) and then rinse with vinegar.  Note - when you add the peroxide and baking soda it bubbles and fizzes.  So...if you are cleaning church linens to remove the smell...that's the recipe.  We keep a skunk-be-gone kit handy now.  Shared with neighbors.  Have not trapped the little critters yet.  But they are nocturnal animals and so do not like light.  Have 2 spotlights in the front yard to keep them away.  Carol K.

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  • Larry Beckley 1 comment collapsed Collapse Expand

    You have to love all of God's creations, they make life interesting.

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