Church must be sanctuary to domestic abuse victims, survivor says  March 4, 2005
A UMNS Feature
By Allysa Adams* The
first time Debbie Harsh was beaten by her husband, the injuries sent
her to the hospital. Scared, demoralized and confused, she got out of
the house, healed physically and immediately turned to the only place
she felt safe: her church. “I always thought that the church would be the first place you go for help,” she remembers. But
the pastors at her nondenominational Christian church didn’t know how
to help Harsh. With good intentions, they sent her to a Christian
counselor, who urged her to forgive her husband and drop an order of
protection against him. The counselor’s message was that “wives submit
to your husband and husbands are the head of the house … and he pointed
out to me that I didn’t have my husband’s permission for that order of
protection,” Harsh said. When
she returned to her husband, the violence continued. Fearing for her
life and the safety of their two daughters, Harsh finally left her
16-year marriage for good in 2000 – against the advice of her pastors
and church leaders. “They
wanted to be sure that I wouldn’t pursue a divorce, and being beat up
by a husband wasn’t grounds for divorce,” she said. “Only sexual
infidelity was grounds for divorce.”
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Web-only image
Debbie Harsh educates faith groups about how to help victims of domestic violence.
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| Debbie
Harsh calls herself a "domestic violence survivor." As founder of
Domestic Violence Education: An Interfaith Project, she works to educate
the faith community in Tucson, Ariz., about helping victims. Since
2003, she has spoken to churches, synagogues, Sunday school classes,
church social action committees and other religious groups. A UMNS
Web-only image #w05-016. Accompanies UMNS story #136. 3/4/05 |
It is a story Harsh
says is all too familiar—one in which churches focus more on forgiving
the perpetrator than on helping the victim. As founder of Domestic
Violence Education: An Interfaith Project, she works to educate the
faith community in Tucson, Ariz., about domestic violence. Since 2003,
she has spoken to churches, synagogues, Sunday school classes, church
social action committees and other religious groups. “I can’t think of any better place than a faith community—a church—to help victims of family violence,” she said. The
Rev. Paul Caseman, senior pastor at St. Marks United Methodist Church
in Tucson, participated in one of the program’s seminars to prepare
himself to deal with incidents of domestic violence in his congregation
and community. “Sometimes
domestic violence is one of those issues we put on the back burner and
say, ‘Surely domestic violence is not happening in our church,’” Caseman
said. “That’s naiveté on our part to believe that.” According
to the FaithTrust Institute, one-third of all women in relationships
report being abused in some way by their husband or boyfriend. “I
think we’re all aware that domestic violence is out there. I think when
we hear the personal stories and the roles that the churches so often
do not play, we realize our unawareness leads to more domestic
violence,” he said. What can the church do? The
United Methodist Church encourages local congregations to “create a
church climate of openness, acceptance and safety that encourages
victims to speak of their pain and seek relief and healing.” The
church’s lawmaking body, the General Conference, also recommends other
steps in its statement, “Violence Against Women and Children,” found in
the 2004 Book of Resolutions. It
encourages “all clergy and lay leaders to work collaboratively with
community agencies on prevention strategies and to provide for the
physical, emotional and spiritual needs of victims, offenders and other
family members.” The
Book of Resolutions suggests that churches assess community resources
for violence prevention and response and, where appropriate, start new
programs and services. “Wherever possible, undertake new programs
ecumenically or as part of a community coalition.” Other
steps include setting up peer support groups for battered spouses,
holding awareness events and urging church members to do volunteer work
in shelters and crisis centers. Annual
conferences, agencies and seminaries can promote education on domestic
violence for clergy and lay people, as well as provide training in abuse
prevention and intervention, according to the Book of Resolutions.
Other possible actions include supporting policies and services “that
protect victims, hold offenders accountable and provide support for
family members.” Harsh
says the church must educate its members about the realities of
domestic violence and challenge them to work to prevent domestic
violence. While issues such as domestic violence are not pleasant, Caseman says they are real and the church must address them. “If
we ignore the tough social problems or pass them by with only a nod,
then we’re not helping our congregation, and we’re not being part of the
gospel at that time,” he said. “Jesus knew that people were hurting,
and he addressed those.” Years
after being abused, Harsh still deals with the emotional scars,
including anger with the church. For about a year, she did not attend a
congregation. “I was very angry and probably very angry at God for a
while,” she said. Today,
she realizes that it was her faith leaders who let her down, she said.
“God himself was near to me during the whole time and strengthened me
and supported me, so God did not fail me at any point.” *Adams is a freelance writer and producer in Tucson, Ariz. News media contact: Fran Coode Walsh, Nashville, Tenn., (615) 742-5458 or newsdesk@umcom.org.
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