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Are churches ?too feminized’ for men?

Photo courtesy of United Methodist Reporter and Design Pics Many men are bored in church, says author David Murrow, and would rather seek spiritual solace outdoors than sit through worship services.

July 19, 2006

A UMNS Feature
By Robin Russell*

Author David Murrow says a typical guy feels as comfortable in church as Tom Sawyer in Aunt Polly’s parlor.

"He must watch his language, mind his manners and be extra polite," Murrow writes in his popular 2005 book, Why Men Hate Going to Church. That’s because the altar flowers and felt banners, mostly female Sunday school teachers and blue-haired ladies playing the organ, all make church feel like a "woman’s thing." And unless a man enjoys serving on a committee or passing out bulletins, he may feel there’s not much for him to do, so he steers clear.

Today’s contemporary worship services aren’t much better: Their soft praise-and-worship songs and emphasis on relational needs are better suited to the needs of women than men, says Murrow, who is a member at a nondenominational church in Anchorage, Alaska.

"If church was a place where men could be real and not religious, you’d see a lot more of them," he concludes.

United Methodists may not see completely eye-to-eye with Murrow, but statistics on American church life seem to bear him out.

More than 90 percent of American men believe in God, and five out of six call themselves Christian, according to the Barna Research Group, a Christian research firm based in Ventura, Calif. But only two out of six attend church on a given Sunday.

Church attendance is roughly one-third male and two-thirds female. Nearly a quarter of married women attend church alone while their husbands sleep in, mow the lawn or play golf.

It’s not that men are less religious than women, Murrow says, because other religions have little trouble drawing males. His theory is that Judaism, Buddhism and Islam offer more "uniquely masculine" experiences for men.

"Every Muslim man knows that he is locked in a great battle between good and evil," he recently told Religion News Service. But most Christians today see their faith more in terms of “having an unconditional love relationship” with Jesus, he said.

"And if that’s the punch line of the Gospel, then you’re going to have a lot more women than men taking you up on your offer, because women are interested in a personal relationship with a man who loves you unconditionally. Men, generally, are not."

Mainline woes

For mainline denominations, the news is even worse. Whether it’s because they ordain women or because they’re more established in their patterns of "doing church," mainline congregations experience the greatest gender gaps, defined as having at least 12 percent more women than men actively involved.

More than 70 percent of United Methodist churches report such a gap, compared to 55 percent of Baptist and 25 percent of nondenominational churches, according to the 1998 National Congregations Study.

Mainline denominations, as Murrow points out, also have the greatest percentage of membership losses and church closings.

"A lack of male participation is one of the surest predictors of church decline," he writes. "If you want a healthy church for the long term, attract men. This was Jesus’ strategy. It still works today."

Murrow knows how to roil ecclesiastical waters, yet some United Methodists who are concerned with declining membership concede that he makes a few good points.

The Rev. Mark Winter, a general evangelist of the United Methodist Church in Fort Worth, Texas, is old enough to remember the early 1960s Norman Rockwell print, "Sunday Morning," which showed a woman leading her Sunday-dressed children out the door while her husband, still in pajamas, slinks down in a chair reading the paper, a cigarette nestled between his fingers.

"A lot of guys who spend their time hunting and fishing walk into church and think, ?This is the same as it was when I was a child. Why should I come back? It was boring then, and it is now,’ he said. "As one Texan put it, ?Men don’t go to church because they’ve been.’"

?Feminized’ church

Murrow’s critique of church culture is nothing new. After all, churches didn’t become "feminized" overnight, says Catholic scholar and author Leon J. Podles in his 1999 book, The Church Impotent: The Feminization of Christianity. Podles traces a feminine characteristic of the church back to the 12th century, when medieval female orders began to rise and mystic Bernard of Clairvaux popularized the metaphor of the church as the bride of Christ.

The notion of each person as essentially feminine before God is evident in today’s praise-and-worship songs that are "love songs to Jesus," Murrow says.

That doesn’t bother Art Brucks, who helped launch the men’s ministry at First United Methodist Church, Mansfield, Texas. He sings in the church’s praise choir and lifts his hands during worship. But he draws the line at holding hands when praying or sharing feelings in a mixed group. He also doesn’t like feminine touches during worship, like when 12-year-old girls in pink flowing dresses “slit up to the hip” performed a liturgical dance on a recent Sunday morning.

"I about got sick. I had to keep my head down and just read Scripture," Brucks said. "I think a guy is looking for Christ in a way that he can identify with in a church. My pastor nails it 90 percent of the time, so I can’t complain."

It helps that his pastor, who leads the men’s ministry, is "a real man, a 50-year-old guy who is physically fit, plays basketball with the guys every Sunday night after preaching four services and can still bench-press 350 pounds."

Muscular Christianity

That kind of masculine approach has been part of historical church efforts to reach men, including the "muscular Christianity" movement of the late 19th century that extolled manliness and, in the last few decades, the popularity of Promise Keepers. More recently, John Eldredge’s best-selling Wild at Heart has spawned a number of wilderness retreats and Bible studies for men.

Photo courtesy of United Methodist Reporter and Design Pics Nearly a quarter of married men don't accompany their wives to church, according to surveys of American churchgoers.

Photo courtesy of United Methodist Reporter and Design Pics United Methodists are seeking ways to make church significant again for American males, for whom worship services often feel like a "woman's thing."