Aging Out in Oklahoma
by BOYCE BOWDON
From Response, September 2009
When Mike* was four, his mother fatally shot his father.
“He was beating on her and Mom was tired of putting up with it, so she shot him,” Mike explained.
His mother went to prison and Mike went to live with relatives. Six years later, the local department of human services found out that Mike was being abused sexually and in other ways and took him into its care. During the next eight years, he was placed in four foster homes and three group homes.
“People would tell me how great it was going to be living with them, and that they loved me, but pretty soon they moved me to a different place,” he said. “The more I hung on to people, the more I got hurt when I left them, so I learned to shut off my feelings.”
When he was about 17, Mike was placed in a group home in Oklahoma City. He felt cared for and conditions were better than they had been — but he worried about the future.
“I knew that the day I turned 18, I would age out of foster care,” he said. “Where would I live? I didn’t have any family to take me in. I wasn’t qualified for a job that would support me. I had no idea how I could get by on my own.”
The director of the group home told Mike about Carolyn Williams
Center in Oklahoma City, Okla., a transitional living program for
homeless young men who have aged out of foster care.
Mike applied and was accepted.
When Mike turned 18 in January, Carolyn Williams Center became his home. He has his own room. A bathroom is down the hall. He eats breakfast and dinner at the center and is on his own for lunch. He receives funds to attend a community college, and this fall he starts his second semester.
Mike knows he has a long way to go. “I’m still trying to figure out who I am, but at least I’ve decided I am somebody,” he said.
The Carolyn Williams Center is a ministry of Neighborhood Services
Organization in Oklahoma City, Okla., a national mission institution
supported by United Methodist Women’s
Mission Giving. The center opened in September 2005 to help young men
like Mike, said the Rev. Jim Gragg, a retired United Methodist minister
who chairs Neighborhood Services Organization’s board of directors.
”More than 20,000 young Americans will age out of foster care this
year,” Mr. Gragg said. “Thanks to dedicated foster parents, some are
reasonably well prepared for adulthood.
But many are not ready to be out on their own.”
Mr. Gragg said, like Mike, many of these young people experienced trauma before entering foster care; have been disappointed by so many people they don’t trust anyone; and now suffer with physical, emotional or mental health problems.
“Finding jobs that will support them is tough, especially for those who have not completed high school or received a GED high school equivalency diploma,” Mr. Gragg said. “Many live in homeless shelters, under bridges, or in abandoned buildings. Their desperation makes them more likely to commit crimes, be victims of crime or take their own lives.”
Mr. Gragg said when Neighborhood Services learned countless young people face devastating problems when they age out of foster care, and no other agency in the area was adequately caring for them, it did what the mission institution has been doing since its ministry began nearly 90 years ago —found a way to serve.
“We acquired a facility that would house up to 15 residents and starting operating with the resources we had,” Mr. Gragg said.
Stacey Ninness, Neighborhood Services executive director, said applicants are carefully screened. “We want to serve people who can benefit most from what we offer,” she explained.
Applicants must pass a drug test and criminal background check. They sign a contract agreeing to comply with rules that promote a safe and stable environment. Within 30 days after they are admitted, they must be employed or attending school fulltime. They can stay up to 24 months.
Tracy Long, who has directed the center since it opened, knows what it’s like to be homeless.
“I grew up in foster care,” Ms. Long said. “When I left at 18, I got in bad trouble, but God didn’t give up on me and neither did some wonderful people. They helped me get my life back on the right track. Now I have a chance to do for others what they did for me.”
Ms. Long said the center’s first resident had aged out of foster care and was living in a homeless shelter.
“During the 24 months he was with us, he went to a technical school,” she said. “Now he has a good job and lives in his own apartment. Every few weeks he comes by and tells us how grateful he is that we helped him. Seeing him and other young men who have been with us and are now doing good keeps me going.”
Ms. Ninness shares Ms. Long’s passion with ministry to homeless young men.
“I can’t believe God picked me to be involved in this wonderful ministry,” she said. “Enhancing the Carolyn Williams Center is Neighborhood Services’ top priority. We are striving to increase our staff, upgrade facilities, recruit and train mentors, and establish volunteer service opportunities to help our young men experience the joy of giving as well as receiving.”
Other ministries
Neighborhood Services also provides housing for people dealing with
mental health issues and transitional housing for young women who are
expecting or already have infants. In addition, it offers nutritional
and health care for mothers, and administers two clinics that serve
60,000-70,000 women, infants and children each year.
During its nine decades of ministry, Neighborhood Services has initiated eight other programs, including the Oklahoma City Food Bank serving homeless and other marginalized people.
“We could never have ministered so well to so many for so long if United Methodist Women had not given us such tremendous support,” Ms. Ninness said.
*Name changed for privacy purposes.
*The Rev. Dr. Boyce Bowdon retired in 2005 after serving as a pastor for 20 years and as director of communications for Oklahoma Conference of the United Methodist Church for 24 years. He lives with his wife in Oklahoma City, Okla., where he writes inspirational articles and books.